Patience...Will I Ever Embrace It?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such things there is no law.

There are some days that patience eludes me.  Last week I had a few of those days when it seemed like everything was falling apart.  There were no major catastrophes, but the little annoyances of the day started mounting one on top of the other and I felt like I was drowning.

brothers...usually buddies...suddenly lots of problems with each other and every activity they began...ended in tears

little bitty...toddling about...climbing on the table...sneaking in the laundry room...finding the cat food...brothers screaming..."Mom, she's bothering what we are working on"...not once but several times

trying to sketch together...the pressure of monitoring everyone...so that no little one draws on anothers paper

LouLou...suddenly terribly hurt and unable to walk...at the least request of mine...this is beginning to be an everyday occurrence...I must deal with this very soon.

brother...closing van door on little bitty's ankle..."Mom, I didn't know her foot was in the way, I thought the seat was caught in the door"...baby crying...ankle blackening

Little bitty...eating crayons for the 1000th time

nap time woes...for the third day in a row.

As I thought about the days that had begun to try me as a mother, I began to think about my perspective.  These days come and suddenly I am letting my frustrations show through to four little disciples and the man that I love.  I wince as I reflect on my response to these situations.  Spirit living calls for more than I sometimes give.  My response is a choice...I must choose to give Christ control  in all situations and refuse to let my situations control me.

Why?

Because I am mothering four little ones.  How can I teach them gentleness when I am frustrated and angry with my responses?  How can I teach them forgiveness if I remind them of all the things that has gone wrong today?  How can I teach them to consider one another when I am only considering myself?

Because at the end of the day when the little ones are asleep and all is quiet...the floors are scattered with toys...the sink is full of dishes...and I am tired...tears well up as I think of the day when I will long for one more moment of this sweet craziness.  I really don't want to ruin the time I have with them with frustrated responses and careless words.  I want to embrace each day and live...cherishing our moments...the easy ones...and the hard ones

Love is...

What an appropriate fruit of the Spirit to study first.  I have been slowly making my way through Living Beyond Yourself.  This Spirit living is something I need desprately.  Letting myself decrease so that He can increase. I wake each day with plans to let the Spirit lead and when my feet hit the floor I so easily let the natural woman take over.

4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

After much studying on this fruit of the Spirit, I was given a perfect oppurtunity to see if I was truly growing in this area.  My sweet husband failed to run an errand and I was hurt. This errand wasn't forgotten, just not done.  I immediately let him know how disappointed I was that this had not been taken care of. He responded that if I would like to see that done, I would have to do it myself.  I was really angry at this point, but I chose not to say anything.  As I reflected on the situation, God kept reminding me about the first fruit of the Spirit-LOVE!

I kept meditating on 1 Corinthians 13:5

5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

This verse had started to penetrate my heart, it was doing its intended work discerning my thoughts and intents.  I was angry! I felt like screaming, but I couldn't.  Because to scream would mean that everything I'd been learning had been forgotten.  It would mean that I had suddenly decided to become a hearer of the word and not a doer. It would mean that I had looked into the perfect law of liberty and gotten a glimpse of my selfish, ugly heart and decided to walk away unchanged.

22But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].

23For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror;

24For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like.

25But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience).

I want do want to be changed,  but transforming to Spirit living is hard.  It's far easier to do what comes naturally.  Paying attention to a suffered wrong does come quite naturally for me,  especially when the perceived wrong came from my beloved.  It's far easier to overlook an offense from someone I don't know.
The ones I love most need this Spirit living, so I persevere because if I can they will receive a blessing.