Pondering My Path For The New Year

I sit here realizing that the new year has taken me by surprise.  I mean I knew it was coming.  I had every intention of reflecting on the past year and mapping out this new one.  I had declared 2010 The Year of the Moments.  Just calling attention to the moments in my day, made me stop and realize that time is fleeting and each day is a gift.  I still got to hurried, I still rushed the littles, I still choose other things over time with them...but I made progress and I hope that living in the moment more caused me to be a better mother. 


As I think of this new year that has already arrived, I see my failures mounting each day.  I already have been too frustrated, to short with my answers, withholding patience and kindness from those I love the most.  The littles have seemed challenging the last few days, but maybe it is really me.  Maybe its time to finally take seriously the lack of gentleness in my words, the lack of patience in my response.  I think of it often...habit training myself.  How can I teach gentleness with siblings when I am too harsh at times?  How can I teach about a joyful heart, when mine appears to be irritated so easily? 


So after some thought, I am declaring 2011 the year of gentleness.  I will each day strive to respond to everyone and all situations with gentleness.  This will not be easy, but it is necessary.  My little ones are watching my responses.  My words are becoming a part of each of them.  I want those words etched on each heart to be gentle...words that give life...even in the midst of correction...words that offer grace...even when it is unmerited.

Why this year?  Why Now?

Because after twelve more winters this boy will be walking away from our home and into the place for which God is preparing him...

 

This boy needs grace...because we are so very different...He's just like his daddy...He's starting some school this year and I will have to extend patience and understanding every day.

 

And this girl needs gentleness at every moment of the day because...well, because...she's just like me...and that is oh so very hard...I see my faults magnified in the antics of this precious three-year-old.

Her expressions mimic what is in her heart...just as mine do...

And this little one needs kindness because she seems to have such a sweet spirit and I don't want my unkindness and frustrations to have a negative influence.

Our Girl...

This sweet little girl

all smiles...

those precious moments eyes...

the sun streaming through that hair

she brings a smile to my face...

and she makes me hit my knees...

in prayer...

for wisdom...

How in the world...

Do we

tame that determined...at times defiant...spirit

without breaking it?

We don't know...but He knows...

for he knit her together in my womb...

He created her for His own glory...

She will need that determination one day...

as she sets her face like flint to accomplish the work he will give her to do!

Ideas...What am I feeding my children?

Today as I was reading Parents and Children, a quote from Ms. Mason caused me to stop and spend some time reflecting upon the ideas around our home that are waiting to be taken in by one of the littles.

An idea fitly put is taken in without effort, and, once in, ideas behave like living creatures-they feed grow and multiply.  Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children, page 77

As a mom, I try to be very careful about the kinds of foods that are allowed into our home.  I try to offer a range of healthy snack options.  The children then have a choice from a variety of healthy foods. As I read about ideas today, I found myself wondering if I am as cautious with the ideas that enter the minds of my children as I am the foods that enter their bodies.

As I considered this I realized that I am very particular about healthy food and healthy ideas.  We have made a decision to limit T.V. viewing to a little before bed each night.  We only let the children choose from movies we have previously approved.  We have choosen carefully the newspapers and magazines that we have in our home.  The boys occasionally play on an educational website, but this time is very limited.  We do not own any video games at this point and I can't foresee us getting any.  I am very particular about the quality of books I want my little ones to read.  Charlotte Mason referred to books that do not contain living ideas as "twaddle".  The last couple of years I have been working tirelessly to remove the "twaddle" from the bookshelves, toyboxes and movie cabinets of our home.  I try to think of twaddle as the junk food of books, movies and toys.  These types of things do not offer living ideas to feed the minds of my children.

I began to feel encouraged by all of the hard work to weed twaddle from our home.  But then I thought about all of the times the boys come to me with a question about this animal or that insect or that historical person they have heard mention of. Many times I answer with an I don't know or an I'll try to find out later.  I need to make more of an effort to feed the ideas that they bring to me.  I want to be more disciplined about looking up questions they have and providing answers that are meaningful.  I need to get better at asking questions that will encourage the children to investigate and uncover more living ideas.

My children possess a sense of wonder that always seems to amaze me.  I want the atmosphere of our home to encourage living ideas.  It is so easy for living ideas to be snuffed out by media and entertainment.  If not guarded carefully homes can become so overwhelmed with "stuff" that children can't find one thing that delights their soul.  A deliberate attempt must be made to keep things quiet in terms of entertainment and overstimulation.  If my children are always looking to be entertained it will be very hard for them to explore meaningful ideas.

Activities that promote meaningful ideas:
nature walks
legos
painting/viewing artwork
aquarium to keep outside finds
family games
living books

Next time my children are engaged in an activity I need to ask, Is this beneficial?  The short time I have to educate my children reminds me of this verse:

Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise;  redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Ephesians 5:15-16

  

Mommy Homework Update

After the first week of reading, I have made lots of notes and am learning lots of valuable info.

I have read the first six chapters of Raising Godly Tomatoes. I have been making lots of notes in the book and summarizing the chapters as I read them. The most important thing I have read is to expect pleasant, prompt obedience each time I ask the little ones to do or not do something. I was always consistent with making them obey, but I never really new how to handle a bad attitude when it showcased itself. I am making them re-do the task if a bad attitude is displayed and requiring them to say, "yes mommy" when I give them instructions.

Lou Lou seems to be the most difficult at this point. She does really well obeying most requests but occasionally her obedience is not very prompt. Also I feel like I am having to start all over again each morning. I know she is little and she is wondering do I mean no all the time or just this time. She often cries when I ask her to hold my hand when we are walking or sit still on my lap for bible time. She will hold my hand and sit still with a couple of reminders but the crying about is driving me crazy and I am not sure what to do yet. I am reminding her to be quiet and she eventually stops but it takes awhile.

I was having a lot of trouble with Boo wanting to retreat to his room and pout when something did not go his way. He was generally whiny and had an unpleasant face when he was asked to do something. I have not been letting him go to his room at all when he is upset, but he has to stay close to me. He is learning to wipe the unhappy look off of his face and do things with a "yes. mommy" and smile. I can definately see improvements to his general attitude.

I have read the first two chapters of Honey for a Child's Heart. This book has really been enjoyable and has reminded me of the importance of feeding the imaginations of my children with wonderful stories and books, not television and video games.

I have finished the first few sections of Drawing with Children. I see much potential in this book to teach me how to draw and in turn I can begin teaching Bo really soon. He asked me the other day when we were going to start homeschooling and I said after I finished this book I was going to teach him how to draw. I have my art supply list made and am ready to but them so I can go ahead with the lessons.

I am reading along with the Ambleside Year 0 yahoo group and I have finished the preface to volume one of the Original Homeschooling Series.

I did not read any of Pocketful of Pinecones. I may have to save this one for later. Since we love nature and do a good job of enjoying God's creation, this one can wait until I finish one of the others.

Lots to learn...
Holli

Mommy Homework

As I prepare to homeschool my children there are several books that I want to read and reflect upon. So with the new year here, I thought I would make a schedule and begin reading a chapter per day from several books.

Raising Godly Tomatoes by L. Elizabeth Kruegar
This book is a must read for all moms, especially moms of little ones. I haven't read the book yet, but the website had been full of useful information. This book has the potential to be the best child training book I have ever read. I am very anxious to get started reading this. The website has affirmed a lot of things I have been trying to accomplish with my little ones (first time obedience, coming when called, obeying joyfully, etc.). Training them when they are young will make homeschooling run much more smoothly.

Home Education volume 1 of Charlotte Mason's Original Homeschooling Series
I have read this before, but it is good to keep fresh on my mind. The Yahoo Ambleside Yr 0 group is reading and discussing this book beginning this week. Here is it online!

Drawing With Children by Mona Brooks
I want to read this and brush up on my almost non-existent drawing skills. I plan on learning how to draw right along with the little ones.

Pocketful of Pinecones by Karen Andreola
This is a great fiction book about a homeschooling mother who does nature study with her children. We love God's beautiful creation and I wanted some fresh inspiration for nature study!

Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt
This is a book about importance of reading books to your children. Another one I've been hoping to read for awhile.

I'll be taking lots of notes and maybe a few blog posts about what I am learning.

Holli

Brokenness over sin...

Since I have been a mommy, God has continually used my children to bring me to my knees and to teach me more about his love, grace and character than anyone else. Today was no exception.

Bo aggravated his brother this morning with a warning from me that he was not to do that specific thing again. A couple of hours later...it happens...again. In this home we use The 21 Rules of Our Home. These rules have become the foundation of the order we expect in this home. The rules are based on scripture. I reference a scripture for each rule we memorize. Rule 21 is In this home, when we forget or disobey any of the 21 rules of our home, we accept discipline and instruction. So Bo had to be corrected.

After the correction, I went out to help Boo close the chicken coop. I came back in and Bo was weeping uncontrollably on the couch. I picked him up and just held him asking him what was wrong. He said, I thought something I should not have thought. I rocked him and sang to him. I asked him to tell mommy what he had said. After about 20 minutes he finally told me he thought a mean thought about Boo. I should not have done that mommy and I am sorry. We prayed, I told him that:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9

He prayed..he asked for forgiveness...he began to clam down and return to the happy little boy I know. But, I will never forget that brokenness. I have never seen him so convicted...so uncomfortable..and I thought I need some of that.

After years of dealing with sin, I guess I've become a little hardened to it. When was the last time I sat down and wept because I has a harsh thought about someone? When have been so broken over my own sin that I couldn't get it out of my mind until it was dealt with. I pray for a brokenness like my sweet Bo. A heart so tender to wrong...a heart knowing he had disobeyed God...a heart out of fellowship longing to return.

Give me a heart like a child...

Still Learning,

Holli

Need Encouragement?

Here's a powerful post on the high calling of being a mother over at Holy Experience.
This post was encourageing yet convicting, reaffirming yet challenging.

Hope you are changed...
Holli

What does it mean to be "pro-family"?

With all of the talk about "pro-family" values swirling around the media, I thought I would break down what it means to be pro-family according to God's unchanging word. You see the God who created man and woman and instituted the family is the same God we serve today. He has some specific guidelines for families and when families begin adopting these guidelines God's beautiful plan for families begins to be revealed to a hurting world.


Just because someone is pro-life does not mean they are pro-family.

Just because someone has children does not make them pro-family.

Just because someone claims to be a christian does not make them pro-family.



To be "for your family" you must first understand how God has designed the family to function.



First and foremost God has designed the father to be head of the home. He is to embrace this calling wholeheartedly as protector, provider and spiritual leader.

"For the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church..."

Ephesians 5:24

"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24

As a wife I find great comfort in the fact that I am not the head of my home. I try to embrace my role daily as Chris' helper. I enjoy praying for him, encouraging him and being a trusted counselor when he asks my ideas and opinions.

God's hierarchy of authority does not offend me in the least. Our God who loves us and knows us better than anyone saw fit to place the father's as the head of the home. I trust my God's decision in this area.

But, trusting my God's decision is not enough. I must next embrace the high calling he has given me within the family unit. I can say God knows best, but if I do not daily seek to obey him in regard to my role in the family I would be living as if I knew what was best. God's word is very clear when it comes to the purpose he has for young women.

"That they may teach they young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Titus 2:4-5

Titus is very clear that a woman's role within the family is to love her husband and children and be keeper of their home. This role is to approached with the utmost care and attention. For to love my husband as he provides for us and seeks to lead us spiritually is a wonderful way to show our children how wonderful their daddy really is. To love my children and seek to make our home a safe haven from the world will have more impact on the next generation than any career I could strive after. If I am not successful in the role God has given me in my home and family it would never matter how successful I was in any career paths.

Not only does being "pro-family" embrace the roles God has given man and woman, but an individual who claims to be pro-family must love their children and invest in their lives daily.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord:and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Psalms 127:3

Children are a reward from God. We must accept the rewards God bestows with humility and seek daily to raise them up as a godly heritage. It is very hard to raise warriors for Christ if our children are involved in everything that the world deems valuable. From government schools to little league to television, if children are receiving the majority of their training from others we can expect them to display the values and priorities that they see being lived before them. A few verses to consider in light of the educational choices and activities in which we allow our children to be involved.

"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and in his law doth he meditate day and night." Psalms 1:1-2

Are my children daily sitting in the seats of the ungodly for education and counsel? Do my children have the opportunity to meditate on his word day and night? or Are my children so busy with the things of this world that they only have time to consider God on Sundays when they are sent to Sunday school and their teacher teachers them a 20 minute lesson?

"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto they children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up." Deut. 6:7

God's word is very clear that we as fathers and mothers are to teach our children his truths, the responsibility falls on no one else.

So the next time someone talks about being "pro-family" consider their claims against the truth of God's word.

Still Learning,

Holli

A Rare Treasure...Seek One...or...Be One?

I taught a lesson last Wednesday night in the mothering class that I am teaching on the Proverbs 31 woman. I wanted to post some of that lesson here with some further thoughts.

As the mother of two young sons, I can identify with the advice King Lemuel's mother gave him when he was a boy. I can just picture her taking him onto her lap and ruffling his hair as she kisses him on top of the head. She begins to offer him some nuggets of wisdom. She tells him to avoid loose women, avoid strong drink, and speak up and defend those who cannot defend themselves. The advice is not unlike what Chris and I have already had to discuss with our sons. Just within the last couple of weeks we have already had the alcohol and tobacco discussion complete with pictures on how they can ravage the body.

In verse 1o Lemuel's mother begins her discussion on the type of woman Lemuel should search out as a wife. She dedicates the remaining 21 verses to a description of a wife who would benefit and uplift her husband.

"A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. Prov. 31:10"

As a future King, Lemuel had no doubt been exposed to kingly riches. But a wife who is capable of running his household, wise enough to be a trusted advisor and godly in character would no doubt be his most treasured possession.

"
The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

She comforts, encourages and does him only good as long as there is life within her."

Proverbs 31:11-12

Am I Chris' most treasured possession? I pray that I am. I am amazed at the change that God has worked in my own heart and mind since we married almost eleven years ago. My heart's desire had always been to be a wife and mother, but God continually works on me, refining me into the woman his inspired word has commanded me to be.

As I read the above verse, I am compelled to examine my life. Does Chris confidently trust in me? Does he trust my commitment to him and our marriage? Does he believe in my commitment to be a wise manager of the living he brings home? Does he trust in my ability to train and nurture our children day by day? Does he trust that I will prepare the very best food and clothing for us that his money will provide?

I think he does. I so desire to bring him comfort and encouragement. I pray that each day I live I will do him more good than the day before. But this takes me dying to myself daily. If I am not extremely careful I can let pride take hold and I begin to live for myself. As soon as I become focused on my own self, my own desires and my own needs, I begin to resent serving others.

I'm not implying that I do not enjoy the occasional break, but when I begin searching for it day in and day out, I begin to resent the family that God has entrusted to my care. I'm reminded of Christ and his disciples withdrawing occasionally for some time alone. Many times the crowd followed and Jesus was always moved with compassion to begin ministering once again. When Christ is my example, I will always strive to minister and serve no matter how weary I may become in my own strength because

"My grace is enough for you; ...for My strength and power are made perfect and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 Amp

Proverbs 31 continues with brief glimpses into the life of a woman who is a true treasure.

She

is a willing worker

provides the best for her household

is an entrepreneur

is productive when she needs to be

she makes cloth and readies her grain

is prepared for the future

she reaches out to the needy

makes garments and sell them

opens her mouth in wisdom and kindness

A life lived in this manner will be cause for our children to rise and up call us blessed. Our husbands will praise our efforts.

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised!"

Proverbs 31:30

Do I fear the Lord enough to live the life he has commanded that I live?

I not only have two sons that I should encourage with these verses as they seek a wife one day, but I have a daughter that I must prepare to be some special man's treasure.

This was the part that made me think the most. I am afraid many parents are not preparing their daughters to be a treasure one day, instead they are preparing their daughters to seek earthly treasures.

You see, our culture today promotes preparing daughters to go to college and establishing a successful career as goal number one. . This mentality is preparing the daughters of today to believe that college and career are the real treasures in life and marriage and family are only secondary. I have major objections to this line of thinking, because it is simply not in keeping with God's word.

Did I go to college? Yes

Do I think it is wrong for a girl to go to college? Not necessarily. But I would caution parents of daughters today to think about the ramifications of countless dollars and hours spent preparing for a career outside the home. Let's teach our daughters that being a Keeper of the Home has great value because they are not only investing in this life, but eternity as they raise Godly children.

How will we raise Shater to embrace the high calling of being a wife and mother? We are still not entirely sure but living and loving my high calling in front of her will speak much louder than any words.

Still Learning...

Holli

Mothering Has Changed Me

As the day to appreciate mothers has come and gone, I am compelled to think how appreciative I am for the opportunity to be a mother. Mothering has changed me in more ways than I realize, I am sure.

I stand in complete awe that God would choose to reward me with three of the most beautiful children in the world. It is humbling to realize that God saw something in me that he knew he could use to train these precious lives up to know and follow him. As I sit in the quietness of this moment I am struck with the magnitude of the job he has given me to do. A job so important it takes every minute of the day...preparing my heart, training them alongside me, turning their hearts to the word, laughing, loving, just being...here together.

When I think of my life I am reminded that my actions speak much more loudly than any word I could utter.

Can I teach my children to be passionate about a personal relationship with God, if I never lift my voice in praise and my hands in worship?

Can I teach my little ones to serve others with a joyful heart, if I do not fix their meals, bathe them, or clean their messes with a smile on my face?

Will I really teach them that people are important if I shoo them away while I cook, clean, read or blog?

Am I giving my children a beautiful picture of the way a marriage is supposed to look like? Do I smile at and joke with their daddy? Do I hug and cuddle with their daddy? I must make my children hungry for a beautiful godly marriage! Then, they may see the importance of waiting for that someone God has just for them.

Do I treat my children the way I want them to treat my grandchildren? Those little hands will one day train up the next generation. Do I speak to Chris in the way that I would want baby girl speaking to her husband? That little mouth has the power to bless a husband one day. It also has the power to tear a home down. Am I teaching those little ones to properly care for their bodies and God's creation? For that is my responsibility also...stewardship...it's really each person's responsibility, but how will they learn if I do not teach? More importantly, how will they learn if I do not show?

Yes, mothering has changed me, humbled me, brought out the best and the worst in me. It has been the tool that God has used to chisel away what does not belong in my life. He has used it to reveal the character that he wants me to clothe myself with daily. And for that I am so very grateful.

Tasting and Seeing

Taste and see that the Lord is good;... Psalms 34:8

It is true, he has been and continues to be so good to me. Life happens: broken cups, laundry piles, arguing brothers, children testing the limits and suddenly I forget how good he has been to me.

To often my goal each day is to see how many items I can check off of my to-do list. Not, right now honey; in a minute I'll hold you. As I think back over my days this phrase seems to be repeated often.

I've become an expert at being in the room with my children and not really being with them.

But,

God tells me to taste and see that he is good. Tasting his good and perfect gifts take time. If I am not slowly savoring the gifts he has given, then my heart is less likely to swell with gratitude.

The KJV with Strong's defines the word see in this verse as observe, look at, give attention to.

I had one of those moments today. The kind that stops time. A moment that I want to remember forever. The kind that makes me want to freeze the world around me and walk around in frozen time looking, noting, etching it on my memory forever.

My boy looking like a young man. Dressed in baseball pants and his daddy's cap. The cap sitting crooked on his head. So handsome and fresh I just wanted to hug him and not let go.

We played baseball with a stick and oversized kickball. Laughter, giggles, running; just enjoying one another. I realize he is almost the same age as some of the children I taught, but he is my little boy, still so young, so fresh, so impressionable.

How many moments do I let pass by like this everyday...

From now on I savor, work can wait...

I'm off now to enjoy my little ones

Holli

Here is an related post on savoring God's gifts.

Lessons from Bo

Four years ago on March 15, Bo was born . Our first born little boy changed our lives forever!

I wanted to post this on his birthday, but we had had the flu and party preparations were behind, so I thought I would post it before March was over.

1. Life's no fun when your confined to your back or tummy. (Bo was a very discontent baby! As soon as he learned to walk his whole world opened up.)

2. Eat Well. (Bo has always been a big eater. He eats more than his dad at some meals. But a growing boy and a growing mind, need fuel.)

3. Don't create standards you can't live up too. (Actually that's biblical too, because its by grace we are saved through faith, not of ourselves, so no one can boast. When Bo was having some trouble with his behavior awhile back, I would say your not acting like a knight in shining armour and using your virtues. Bo said, "I'm not a knight, I'm just a boy." Boy, that made me feel terrible. Bo is just a boy and he seemed very exasperated. And I'm not supposed to exasperate my children.

4. Don't ask, if you really want help. (There have been a few times, that I have asked Bo if he could do me a favor and he says No, I'm busy right know.... Then we have to talk about the importance of helping those in need.)

5. The gospel is so easy a child can understand. (After hearing the story of Noah's Ark Bo asked me if God wanted to destroy him like he destroyed all of the other wicked people. No, I explained that's why he sent Jesus. Jesus will be our saviour when we ask him. Let's ask him mommy. I've already asked him, when you get ready you can ask him to be your saviour. I'm ready now mommy. And just like that my three year old prayed to receive Christ.

6. Mom's attitude is really bad, when its pointed out by a three year old. (It's very humbling to hear you little boy say mom are you angry or why did you go like this (blow under breath) A bad attitude is unacceptable.

What good is our service if we cancel it out with a bad attitude? We serve for God's applause, not the applause of others- Priscilla Shirer

Bo has taught me so much and I can't wait for all of the other lessons that are awaiting me...

Holli

Downsizing the Toys

When we were expecting Bo, what kind and how many, toys never crossed my mind. But almost 4 years and two more children later toys are a big consideration.

I have been cleaning out toys and trying to organize the ones we are going to keep. My very handy husband has built the boys a play table. We have this in the living room. Bo's castle and knights are on it right now. Underneath the table we have a Noah's ark, 3 board games and a puzzle, as well as a box of plastic animals.

I have also made a reading/relaxing corner in the living room as well. Complete with a large chalkboard, quilt, two large floor pillows and a basket of book.

In the Bo's room we have a train table complete with many, many Thomas trains, a workbench and tools and a bookshelf.

In Boo's room we have a blocks basket, car basket, and a toy box with a lot of random toys.

Now I have really cleaned out many toys, but I have many more to go.

When cleaning out toys, I first look to see where it it made and what it is made out of. If it is plastic and Made in China, it will probably be gone. (Note: a few favorite toys have been kept even if they are a less desirable material aka: plastic) I have to think about this because Shater puts everything into her mouth!

I am working on searching out toys that I feel are appropriate for developing imagination in my children and making wishlists so when a holiday is coming up I can ask family to purchase gits from the wishlists.

I hope to share future wishlists so that others can benefit as well.

So remember, less is more when it comes to toys and cardboard boxes, sheets and rocks will entertain little boys for hours.

and

I had rather my boys play outside and enjoy nature than sit in the house with a bedroom full of toys!

Still Learning...
Holli

Miss Mason on Habits

As I seek to work on habit training with my children, I have been reading along with the Ambleside YR0 group as they read through the habit training section in Home Education by Miss Mason. This section is full of so many ideas I hardly know where to begin. I think I'll give some consideration to Miss Mason's idea that some habits are learned just by living in the home, not through any direct teaching.

Here are her thoughts:

...the child's most fixed and dominat habits are those which the mother takes no pains about, but which the child picks up for himself through his close observation of all that is said and done, felt and thought, in his home.

We have already considered a group of half-physical habits-order, regularity, neatness which the child imbibes, so to speak, in this way. But this is not all: habits of gentleness, courtesy, kindness, candour, respect for other people, or-habits quite other than these, are inspired by the child as the very atmosphere of his home, the air he lives in and must grow by.

Home Education, pg. 136-137

As I read this I was once again reminded that actions speak louder than words.

The habits that will be most ingrained in the hearts and minds of my children will not be the habits that I try to teach them, but the ones that they observe in my life, and their father's life. Surely, no one has ever believed that do as I say, not as I do could ever work?

So as I begin to work on habit training my children the very first thing I must do is look into myself. Does the atmosphere I create in our home allow my children to develop habits that will benefit them?

It's quite easy for me to maintain a sense of order and regularity to our days. I am a person who thirves on routine and schedules (former Kindergarten teacher here). My children do quite well with a routine. I feel like it gives them a sense of security.

The habits of gentleness, courtesy, kindness, candour, respect for others are the ones that I really need to continually work on in myself so that I can see progress in the lives of my children.

I am reminded of Colossians 3:12,

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindess, humility,gentleness and patience.

and Galations 5:22,

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such there is no law.

So for me, the key is spending some time in bible study and prayer each morning before I am faced with a day full of having to show gentleness when we are in a hurry to leave; kindness when the drink is spilled on my freshly mopped floor; courtesy when someone pulls out in front of me while driving; candour when someone makes a different decision than I would have;respect when I am discipling a two and three year old.

As always, when I set out to help someone else, the first thing that needs to be changed is myself.

Still learning...

Holli

February Habit-Obedience

A new month brings a new habit to focus on. This month I would like to work on the habit of obedience. I feel like the boys do a good job of obeying me, but there are a few things we need to work on.

I feel like with Bo the habit of attention and obedience is all wrapped up into one. Many times I ask him to do something and he's off to comply. A few minutes later I find him distracted by something else. He still has intentions of obeying, but it's slow in coming. He seems to need more direct eye contact and a hand on the shoulder to facilitate a quick obedience. This is something that I hope to get better with day by day. I am going to have to train myself to only give a command that I expect to be carried out immediatlely. Charlotte Mason speaks about that here:

In conclusion, let me say that the education of habit is successful in so far as it

enables the mother to let her children alone, not teasing them with perpetual

commands and directions-a running fire of Do and Don't; but letting them

go thier own way and grow, having first secured that they will

go the right way, and grow to fruitful purpose

Vol.1 Pg 134

This quote reminds me of the verse in Ephesians 6:2:

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

I have noticed that Bo and Boo have been waiting until the 2nd time I ask them to do something before they comply. This is completely my fault! I have been allowing a command to be given twice before I expected obedience. We will be working on this throughout the month.

So this month we are working on obedience the first time mommy or daddy speaks. Mommy and Daddy are working on only making commands that we intend to see carried out.

Update on Habit Training

The month of January has come to a close and I have been working on the habit of being a helper in our home.

Bo and Boo both have really enjoyed helping me cook and wash dishes. It has been difficult to stick to the original schedule because when I let one of them help me the other wants to help as well. Also, on some days when its time for them to help they are playing so well together that I am hesitant to interrupt, so I let them continue playing.

As I have been thinking about instilling in my sons a desire to serve God through helping others, I have become convicted. Since I believe that children pick up on habits through family atmosphere and observation, I need to rethink the way I instruct them to pick up their toys. Many times I stand over them making them pick up the toys and it is seems to be a point of controversy most days. I guess if I expect my children to develop a servants heart, I may need to offer my help.

Instead of "Pick up the toys." "Help me, mommy!" "No, sweetie, mommy did not dump the toys out." Maybe, "I'll be happy to help you pick up your toys."

Of course their will be times when they will be required to clean things up without help and without question, but I need to be more helpful when they ask, so I am modeling how they can be of help to others.

Still learning...
Holli

Living by the Spirit

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-25

This passage of scripture has been on my mind the last couple of days. Today, I decided to read it and God used it to convict me. I have not been the most patient mom lately. It's just the little things that seem to add up and before I know it I am becoming irritated with the kids.

Yesterday I was getting everyone ready because we had to make another milk run. I was going to drop the boys off at my grandparents and Lora and I were going grocery shopping. We were already feeling rushed to get out the door, Lora was crying because she needed her nap, Jeb's carseat was giving me fits, Caleb kept trying to close the truck door and before I knew it I was quite irritable.

As soon as I got into the truck (Oh by the way, I had to drive the truck with three carseats, because my van is in the shop) Jeb asked me if I was mad. "Why do you think I'm mad,"

I ask. "Because you did this (blow under his breath)."

O.K. I admit it, I blow under my breath and act irritated if things are not going smoothly. I never really noticed it much until my three year old started pointing it out. Now he always points it out and I always feel like scum when he does.

So, back to the verse. I am supposed to be living by the spirit because Christ lives in me. I need to take the irritating situations as a challenge to exercise my spiritual man because the natural responses that come so easily are wrong! If I am never challenged to become impatient with someone, how will I ever know that I have developed patience? If I am never challenged to react harshly, how will I ever know that I have developed gentleness? If I am never challenged to lose self-control, how will I ever know that I can maintain control? Better yet, how can God refine me if I am never presented with a challenge?

I'm getting on my knees right now and asking God to give me the strength to react with the fruit of the spirit the next time I face a challenging situation.

Prayers for a Disciplined Life

I began praying scripture over situations in my life several years ago. I found several scripture that I want to pray over each of my children concerning the area of discipline and wisdom.

Father God, your word says that a wise son heeds his father's instruction. I pray now for Bo, Boo and Shaters. I ask that you would give them wisdom to heed our instruction. I pray that you would make them wise beyond their years. Your word says that he who respects a command will be rewarded. I pray that my children would feel the rewards of a peaceful life and unity in our home when they choose to be obedient. I pray that my children would be honored because they heed correction. I pray that my children would never have to suffer poverty and shame because they have ignored and disregarded correction. I want our guidance and your word to constantly be in their minds and hearts. (Proverbs 13:1, 13,18)

Discipline is Training

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, "My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him; For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

Hebrews 12:5-7

As I read and researched this passage in Hebrews today, it shed some light on discipline for me. It seems to me that the main purpose of discipline is to train. My children need to be trained in many areas (paying attention, self control, thankfulness, gentleness, and many more) These virtues need to become habits for my children.

Many times when I pray, I ask God to help me discipline my children out of love, just as he disciplines me. He knows exactly the type of discipline I need. I see three different types of discipline in this passage of scripture.

The first type of discipline I see is chastening. I looked the meaning of chastening up in KJV with Strong's. This training relates to the cultivation of mind and morals. This seems to be a gentle guidance. So when I live by example, read God's word to my children and help my children cultivate virtuous habits I am training my children.

The second type of discipline I see is rebuke. This seems to indicate bringing something to light by correcting with a word. When I talk to my child about a behaviour that needs to be corrected I am rebuking.

The last type of discipline I see here is scourging. Scourging is painful. So when my child deliberately defies something they have been asked to do or not do, a spanking would be in order. I hope by training their characters and talking about behaviours that need to be changed, spanking will be a rare occurrence.

Discipline for Their Good

The subject of discipline has been the topic of conversation between Chris and myself for awhile now. Our desire is to train our children up in the way they should go. We have read a vast amount of information from authoritarian to permissive and everywhere in between.

I have decided to go straight to the source of all wisdom, God's unchanging Word. I am going to research every use of the word discipline, correction, obedience, and children that are referenced in my concordance. I also want to look up the meaning of the words in the original language. I will share my insights here.

A few things I will be implementing soon:

1. I purchased some biblical character figures for the boys for Christmas. I plan on reading a story straight from scripture and giving the characters to Bo and Boo so they will role play what they have learned. This playtime will be a springboard for discussions on obedience, truthfulness, kindness, etc.

2. I have purchased a knight's shield and sword for the boys. I plan on discussing the importance of being a gentleman at all times. When one of the boys reacts inappropriately I will give them the shield and sword and we will talk about what it means to be a gentleman and a knight in shining armor We have a CD that the boys have listened to and will re-enforce this wonderfully. (The Adventures of Sir Bernard) This CD talks about the twelve chivalric virtues and how we choose to use these everyday.

"The Lord disciplines those
he loves,
and he punishes everyone he
accepts as a son." Hebrews 12:6